Where have you been?
It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post. I was putting out roughly a book a year before my recent hiatus. So, what happened? Well, I spent eight months working on a book, read over it, and deep down, I knew I hated it. However, my mental health self-defense mechanism kicked in, and I told myself it was fine. All of the problems with it could be fixed with editing. I spent six months editing it, and editing, and editing it some more. Then I read through it and faced the reality that I hated the book I had just written. It was 45k words at this point, so I knew I needed to add more to it, but I didn’t want to because I hated it. I didn’t like the main character. The antagonists were just cruel for the hell of it. There was no reasoning behind it and the ending was unclimactic and overall terrible.
Spending a year and a half on something only to hate it with a passion was a massive kick to my motivation. I spent another three months telling myself that I just needed to think about it and circle back to it. I still liked the concept, but the execution was awful. I worked on some other projects. I wrote a few screenplays and flew my drone. The entire time, I felt like something was missing. I’m usually working on a project of some type. Having nothing made me feel unfulfilled and depressed. I probably spent another six months wandering aimlessly and feeling sorry for myself.
About six months ago I decided to tackle this concept again. This time, I was going to be more deliberate with my outline before I dove in and started writing. I made a folder called OLD SHIT and put everything from the previous novel in that folder. I opened up a brand-new outline template and started from scratch.
The main character does judo now and I may have joined a judo studio for research and have enjoyed it so much, that I have a new hobby. I picked a judo studio based on proximity to my house and a glance at one or two reviews. I think I accidentally found the best judo dojo in California, possibly the country.
It kind of reminded me of why I enjoy writing so much. If you’re writing fiction, you’re making up characters that have lives and interests that align with that story. You get to research these things and learn about them. Sometimes it’s a martial art that you just so happen to enjoy. It’s like a free pass to learn about anything that even remotely interests you.
I’m editing the new book now and I really like it. I’m getting close to sending it to my editor and getting things moving on it. From the start of this project, way back in the OLD SHIT days I set out to write something that was more of a pure comedy. The Countdown got really heavy by the last book, and I wanted to do something a little more lighthearted, fun and chaotic. I think I’ve achieved that.
I like the new version of the book, and I still think the concept is really fun. At the same time part of me is like “fuck this book.“ Technically I’ve been working on it for three years and it has sort of become my enemy in a lot of ways. It’s sort of my motivation for finishing it. I got told by a lot of writing friends to let it go and move on to something else. But I can’t. It needs to die. It needs to die by me completing it and being happy with the story.
When I’m done with it, I’ll probably take one final look at it and mutter, “fucker.“ under my breath. When it does come out, I hope people enjoy it. There’s a lot of frustration, suffering, and questioning life decisions in those pages.
